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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Missing In Action

I know, I know, I’ve been a neglectful blogger! But no news is good news right?
And for the most part, it’s all good news. Since my last post in April, I’ve started a new job at a new magazine and I’ve been spending a lot of time at work, getting used to everything. But I’m really excited! The job is fun and I get to do a lot of interesting things, which is great. Plus, my new boss is a breast cancer survivor…and she worked throughout her diagnosis and treatment while planning her wedding…just like me! Imagine that? So it’s nice to come into a new job where someone really, truly understands what it’s like to balance your real, normal life with your not-so-normal, cancer patient life.

So that’s my official excuse for my long absence from my blog (and the one that I’ve been telling my mother every time she asked me why I haven’t posted) and it’s true! A new job has given me something entirely new to focus, worry and stress about that some days, (can’t believe I’m writing this) I don’t even think about cancer! So weird. It does cross my mind every once and a while of course, especially when dealing with new co workers who want to know why I’m not in the office some days. At my old job, I was already working there for a year before I was diagnosed, so I didn’t have to explain myself to everyone…so it’s definitely awkward when it comes up. My shameful secret (yes, I still feel that way…will it ever not be shameful?).

The other reason I’ve been MIA is because there wasn’t too much report. Up until July I was continuing on with the NAE trial and had two good scans in a row…although I didn’t want to make too much of deal about good scans, for fear that I would jinx myself. Then the other shoe dropped. My good luck ran out and the cancer started to grow again. Damnit! But, for the 2nd time after receiving bad news, I didn’t cry! Once again, I expected it…I got 7 good months out of the NAE trial with only a headache from the crazy schedule and a little bit of pain from the drug…but in the weeks leading up to the scan, my lower back hurt and I just didn’t feel like I was going to get good news.

And so we start again…this time I started a trial called TGTR, which is an oral medication! When my doctor said that, I didn’t even care about the bad news, because “Hallelujah” I was going back to an oral medicine! But before I could get too excited, he reminded me that I’m on a clinical trial, so it still requires a lot of time in the doctor’s office for blood work, tests and other fun stuff. Ugh, annoying schedule again! But virtually no side effects from this new med! Except that I have to fast before and after taking the meds and this girl likes to eat, but now I’m just really complaining.

I started the TGTR trial in August and so far so good…I have a scan in October, but I’m trying to stay positive that everything will be fine. Ironically, when I came in for my first day of TGTR, my nurse practitioner told me that a new scan I had the day earlier showed the cancer had decreased since my bad scan in July! I think the words, “it’s a miracle!” actually came out of my mouth as I mentally explored the idea that I.Had.Cured.Myself! As it turns out, I had an upper respiratory infection when I did the latest scan and apparently when your immune system fights an infection, it can inadvertently fight the cancer too! So why can’t they just inject me with the common cold you ask? Yes, I asked that too…not even joking. Researchers are actually working on this idea, so who knows what the future holds!

But as of now, I’ll stick with TGTR and the oral medication. And I promise to keep everyone updated as to how I’m doing…a little sooner this time!