This was my fortune from a fortune cookie I ate last night. Although I'm usually not one to get excited about a small piece of paper in a hard, crunchy cookie, I admit my heart soared with hope...how did the person who placed the fortune in the cookie know I had a deep wish that desperately needed to come true? Lol. Because I just know it was meant for me! Granted, I don't think anyone actually gets a bad fortune cookie, my last one read: determination is the wake up call to the human will. Not exactly a fortune, but inspiring so I put it in my wallet as a keepsake...I'll take what I can get!
I think I'm at the point (as I'm sure many other people dealing with health issues reach) where I look for signs, words, images--anything that means I'm going to be ok. I've even thought about going to a psychic that my coworkers swear by just to see what he or she would say...although I'm frightened they would say something bad. I actually went to a psychic when I was about 21 with a friend of mine just for fun and I remember the psychic told me I would live to age 76 and have 3 kids. I remember walking away pissed that she said 76 because that didn't seem old enough! Ironically now if someone told me I'd live to 76, half of me would be overjoyed while the other half would still think it wasn't long enough! Lol. My grandmother is 98 years old and my grandfather lived to 97, so I'd say I have some good genes on my side. But that psychic apparently wasn't that great at her job because she failed to mention that I would be diagnosed with cancer at 26, so I'll have take what she said with a grain of salt. And what if she did tell me? Would I have believed her? A part of me probably would. The hypochondriac in me would have freaked out and tried to figure out how to prevent it. But I'm sure my friends and family would have told me I was crazy. That reminds me of a time when I was in Miami for spring break, having dinner with a group of friends on south beach at a table outside. A woman walks up to us and points at me and says, "I need to tell you something important that you should know." I said ok, and she held out her hand and said "five dollars." So I laughed and said "uh, that's ok" and shooed her away. I always wondered what made her pick me out of our group of friends, was it because I looked the most gullible? Or was she simply crazy? That's what I thought at the time but of course now I wonder if she really did know something important that I should know.
Who knows. It doesn't really matter anymore since the hand has been dealt and I just need to figure out how to win. Ross and I are in Chicago now, we celebrated Christmas with his parents for our first married Christmas. It was sad not to be with my parents and my brother for Christmas but it's nice to be a wife and start new traditions with Ross and his family--because now we're all family! Christmas is always my favorite time of the year and although it doesn't completely take my mind off of my issues--because really what will--it does help. And you just can't help feeling hopeful and positive during this time of the year...no matter what your fortune cookie says :)