I have been weary this last month or so. Every day is a struggle just to get through it. Every day my body feels differently, whether it's coughing, feeling nauseous, or feeling weak. I feel like I'm dragging my body all over New York City and I'm over it. And that's just the physical. The emotional is so much deeper. So I've been wallowing in it, I've been letting it overtake me and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. The amount of time I spend thinking and obsessing over this disease is crazy, it has taken over my life. My scan has been scheduled for Feb 24th and I'm freaking out. Part of me wants to stay in the place of the unknown because that somehow feels safer than the known. I've been down this road far too many times and I just want to hear good news. I'm tired of worrying about it, thinking of the day I have to wait in the doctor's office to hear the results. It's beyond terrifying. The worst fear I've ever known. I've read lots of spiritual books and healing verses but I don't know if I've been putting into practice everything that I've been reading. Why? Because when you feel like crap for days on end, you feel like hope is gone. But I fear I've been letting myself stay in a negative place for too long.
So for this next week and half I've been trying to be more positive. One of the books I try to read daily says you must confess that you are healed and you will be. You must put faith in the fact that God will answer your prayers. So I say I am HEALED, because words have power and I ask everyone that reads this blog to say the same thing. It's so easy when someone asks me how I feel to say, "I feel awful", it's sooo much harder to say, "I feel good!", especially when I don't but I am trying to turn it around and say that. Because at the end of the day, I am still alive, breathing, walking, talking, moving and that is Good. That is a blessing. So how am I? I'm good, getting better and better everyday. I am healed, inside and out. I am strong and God has blessed me with so much in my life. I am choosing to speak Faith, not Fear and it's a struggle everyday, but I am trying.
I am Healed.