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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Feeling Lost

Yesterday I found out that the pathologist specialist did confirm the cells were Hodgkins. Apparently it's very rare for the cells to look like an infection as it did, but he still diagnosed it as Hodgkins. Even though I expected to hear this, it was still so hard. At this point I'm asking not just "Why Me?" but "Why Still Me?", why can't I shake this disease and move on with my life. I feel lost, tired, emotionally and physically drained. When people ask how I'm doing, expecting me to say "great", I feel like saying I don't know. It's hard when you get to this point because everyone around expects you to be done and able to move on and I want to so bad, but I can't. I'm scared to make plans, thinking about the future and I get overwhelmed at any sort future plan because I don't know what will happen. I'm not sure the next steps yet, it probably wont include radiation since I had all the previous lung issues, so it will be some sort of medicine. But part of me wants to do nothing. I'm soo over being the patient and I just want to move past it.

5 comments:

  1. Oh, Morgan, my heart aches for you. But it sounds like you've got a determined medical team on your side. Lean on them, and know that you're in my prayers -- and I'm sure in many others -- every day.

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  2. Dear Morgan,
    God is good and I know He is still watching over you. At this very difficult time, please try to feel the love and support of your family, friends and even people you don't know praying for your complete recovery. We remain proud of you and know that your life experience will be a testimony for others.
    Love,
    Mommie

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  3. Sweet Morgan,

    Please know that we are praying for strength not only for your body, but also for your mind and spirit. I can't even imagine how discouraged you're feeling. God is with you always and you're in my prayers.

    God bless,
    Kelly Randazzo

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  4. Morgan-

    Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest and authentic. I pray for you daily. Please continue to find those wonderful moments in each day and hold them dear...I know you are getting discouraged I can can't even begin to comprehend what that must feel like nor am I going to say that there's a greater mystical purpose for what you are going through. I just encourage you to remember that even in the midst of this storm you are so very blessed and I am looking forward to seeing what I know is going to be an absolutely fabulous wedding :) I pray for the strength of your body as well as your mind - Aisha

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  5. Hi Morgan,

    It is so hard to see the future when you are in the middle of a struggle. You are a beautiful and talented young woman. I pray that you continue to stay strong and keep on dreaming of your future.

    With Love,

    Darlene Ferguson
    Park Crossing Neighbor

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