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Monday, June 14, 2010

The Waiting Game

I'm trying to stay calm but its hard. Basically now I'm in a waiting game of when I can go home. My blood counts dropped to where my friends and family have to wear masks when they visit so that's a good sign, because once they go down they can come back up. But I want to go home so badly. I feel ok...not great because there is some vomiting involved and nausea, but overall I don't feel like complete s**t which is a huge step up from how I felt after the ICE chemo (sorry mom and dad, that's the only way to describe it).

I've been told that usually people's counts go back up after 10 days after transplant, I'm on day 4 so I'm trying not to freak out. I ask every nurse and doctor on their opinion and take the opinion that gets me out sooner. I've heard it could be as early as 7 days from one nurse, so I'm hoping that will be my case, but I know that its unlikely. This is the hard part and I knew it would be but you don't get it until you're actually here and you can't go home. My parents are here everyday and Ross comes when he can in between going to his new job. I've been able to have some visitors so that makes the time go by, but its still hard. The doctors want to make sure my blood counts are high enough that I don't get an infection when I leave. I get this, I really do, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm praying to God to give me the strength to get through this, for this is the hardest thing I've ever been through. So I can't wait to look back on this and feel with joy that I got through it.

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