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Monday, September 7, 2009

Green with envy...



I've shared with some of my friends about my struggle with jealousy as I continue on my journey to be Cancer-free. Jealous of what? Everyone and everything. After I first got diagnosed I found myself becoming jealous of random strangers walking down the streets, my friends and family, and even actors on TV shows. I was convinced that everyone else's life was so easy...even if they were dealing with an issue at work, a problem with a boyfriend or a conflict somewhere else in their lives, they still didn't have to worry about Cancer so those things seemed so trivial to me. They could just bop along in life, healthy and carefree. "That used to be be me!", I think sometimes when I see a group of girls shopping on a sunny afternoon and just enjoying life. It's hard but I have to remind myself that to an outsider, I AM that girl who's strutting down the street without a care in the world...I don't look sick so someone dealing with their own serious issues could think that my life is so easy. So I'm trying to keep it all in perspective because I don't know what the next person is dealing with. It really stinks that right now my life is filled with chemo and needles and nausea, but its also filled with love and friends and wedding planning, so I do have plenty to be happy about.

I'm also happy that I'm feeling pretty good now. My nausea slowed down by Thursday and I've been feeling like the same ol' me the past few days. I do have this funky thing where the meds are irritating the veins in my "chemo arm" and it kinda hurts on and off throughout the day. But I'll take pain in the arm over nausea any day!

Labor day weekend was just what I needed after a nausea-filled week. Ross came to visit and we spent the weekend hanging with friends and talking about the future so it was so nice to have that time with him. I miss him already but I feel better looking at pics of us like the one above of us showing off our beach bodies at the Vineyard (sexy aren't we? ha!) to remember the fun times we have together. Next up, chemo #3...gotta keep the eye on the prize!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you had a great Labor Day weekend! You and Ross do look wonderful and that was even before the big proposal. Hang in there, you do have lots of family and friends praying for you and supporting you through this.Stay positive.

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